05052020 - Towards My New Normal

Today is the day that the realness of the effect of the pandemic has dawned on me on a very personal level. After almost two months since the ECQ, today was the second time in almost two months since the ECQ and the first time for me to be back in a place where we frequent as a family before. I thought I was okay with all that was happening and was at peace knowing that this, too, shall pass. But, when I stepped out of my house today, I realized I wasn’t. Not today.

Today, I drove out to do some groceries and the first thing I noticed when I turned to the main road are the shops that were closed along the way. The salon where I used to do my nails, the printing shop where I used to have my marketing collaterals made, the small carinderia where drivers usually frequent – all closed.

Today, I drove through the main road and, although the road was packed with private cars, I felt the absence of jeepney and tricycle drivers. And it made me wonder how they are these days. I hope they’re still fine, that their basic needs for food and shelter are still met.

Today, I drove by the plaza and the public park. The park used to have children running around and playing in the playground, just being their silly selves. My kids used to enjoy the playground, too. And for kids who love the outdoors, they might not express it directly, but I know that they miss having fun outside, playing in the public park and just getting their bodies busy and their hands and feet dirty. We don’t struggle in keeping them indoors because they know about the virus and how it can be spread. But, I feel their yearning of seeing the world again. And although we try to imagine the things we can do and the places we can go after all of this is over (and boy can you sense the anticipation in their voices), what pains me is how sooner or later that time would come remains unknown and uncertain. And then I realize that my children are more resilient than me when it comes to changes.

Today, as I entered the parking area of the mall where I’d do our grocery, I couldn’t help but notice the empty parking lots that once could have been full at that time of day pre-pandemic.

Today, as I entered the mall, I was passing by a mask-full of faces. Faces of people whom I might know, but couldn’t tell because of the masks they needed to wear. Faces of people who, if it weren’t for us wearing masks, I might have exchanged smiles with. Faces of some familiar people who, if it weren’t for us wearing masks, I would have waved a hand to or gave a high-five or offered a hug. But not today.

And reality hit me harder. Today, there’s no turning back. Because we can never go back to where we were and to what has been. Today was a signal for me to bow down to the past, acknowledge the present, and face a new future -- a new normal. Today, I might have driven on the same road and shopped in the same grocery store, but the experience was totally, fundamentally different.

Times have transformed and I feel that I am now entering into this new normal. And, as what I also learned today, a new reality invites for a new ch

oice. Entering this new normal is painful in the sense that I feel the loss of the past deeply. But, at the same time, this new normal is an invitation to make a braver choice to move forward – towards hope and towards possibility.