What Do I Do wtih Thinking Traps?

Have you ever felt so ready to do that one thing which you feel you were called to do, but, at the same time, felt a fear so strong that it kept you from actually doing it? You have engaged in intensive trainings and even pursued higher education, belonged to a really strong community with like-minded people, and the important people in your life has been cheering you on from day one; but despite these things, you still find it hard to take that step forward because of what's inside your head.

I have. And it just happened a few weeks before I launched this website.

I had so many thoughts running through my head at that moment which were not really helpful for me in terms of realizing my goals; and it did take a toll on my productivity. In this post, I even shared what my fear has cost me. Some of the thoughts I had were “I am not good enough”, “what if people won’t believe in what I do”, “what I do is not of value to most people”, and so on. And even if I am now aware of these thoughts, I still fall in these traps.

So, how do I manage such thoughts? Honestly, I am in the constant process of checking and re-evaluating whenever I find myself about to fall into the same fear. If I do find myself entering into my thinking cycle, I challenge these thoughts and use these sentence starters which I also learned from a class on resilience:

1. “That’s not true, because…”

When I think I’m not good enough, I catch myself and say “That’s not true because my friends told me that this is what I was born to do” or “…because my mentor told me that I did well in this”.

This sentence starter finds evidence that what we think is actually not true.

2. “A better way to see this situation is…”

Before the pandemic hit our city, I was planning to hold a workshop. So, when we were all forced to stay indoors, I knew that the plans I had would not push through in the nearest future. I did mourn this loss, so to speak, but I also challenged myself and look for an opportunity in this situation. So, for me, a better way to look at this is to use this time to polish the elements of the workshop and learn more about the topic I wanted to share.

This sentence starter challenges us to look for something good, an opportunity, out of an unwanted circumstance.

3. “If this happens, then I will...” After several reflections and conversations with mentors and friends, I realized that one of my biggest fear is that of failure. I always wanted to do my best, for everything to be perfect. Although this part of me helped me build a habit of always having a Plan B, it also oftentimes prevented me to take the next step, not until everything is in place. So, when I catch myself freezing instead of acting on the fear, my plan B would start with “if only handful of participants would respond to my e-mail, then I will make do of what I have and put quality over quantity”.

This sentence starter helps whenever we usually think of worst-case scenarios. Having a plan in mind can help us feel that we still have control on whatever will happen.

What I listed above has worked for me for most of the time; and yes, it is always easier said than done. Being mindful of our thoughts, at an earlier or later time, would definitely help. And, if you do catch yourself falling into your thinking trap, be kind to yourself and give yourself space for emotions that would surface. Then, gather yourself and go back to the sentence starters. We can always begin again.