Anxiety in the Time of COVID19

When COVID19 hit the world at so many different levels in so many ways, every individual in every society in every nation was surely surprised and shaken and scared. Feeling all these emotions at the same time in a very intense manner disturbed us and, for most of us, made us feel very anxious in this very uncertain time.

These strong emotions, however, are pretty much normal reactions towards the adversity that we are now placed in. Indeed, we are in a very abnormal period. It is normal because I am 100% sure that most people around the planet experienced the same emotions and thought the same thoughts you did when the pandemic broke out. So to speak, you are not alone in feeling these strong emotions which, in one way or another, came out because a certain stress, a significant one, has been introduced to us.

Stress and Anxiety from a Scientific Standpoint

Stress and Anxiety are closely linked in such a way that they both elicit the fight, flight, or freeze response in our body. Stress is usually a trigger for anxiety. But, they also differ in the sense that stress is caused more of external factors and when the trigger goes away, the feeling of being stressed out also goes. Anxiety, on the other hand, is more of an internal activity. Whether or not the trigger is present, the feeling of stress remains.

Stress and Anxiety is a part of our life and it has always been since way back during the time of our ancestors – so it’s pretty normal that we experience this. Imagine we were back in the days when we were all cavemen. During those days of hunting and gathering, I’m guessing our exposure to threats are great and actually ordinary because we have not yet developed super effective tools and strong infrastructures by then. And so, our primary task and instinct is to survive from all predators and natural calamities. Our brain’s primary function, whenever we feel threatened, whenever there’s a trigger that causes us stress, is to protect us and help us survive, even until this day. That is why our fight, flight, and freeze responses are embedded so deep into our system. Notice also how our body reacts whenever it engages in a fight, flight, and freeze response – your neck tightens, your jaw and fists clench, your palms sweat, your heart pounds, sometimes there’s even an urge to shout or strike a person or object in front of you. These physical manifestations are the body’s reaction to that stress or anxiety. So, stress and anxiety affects how we think and how our body feels.

Now, relate this to the current pandemic we are in. In this pandemic, it is not only our physical survival, our health, that is being threatened, just like our cavemen days. This pandemic affected us in all levels. Some of us lost a significant amount of income, some even lost our jobs. We were cut-off from our social support system because we were forced to stay at home and even work from home. Some was not even able to come home and were left stranded somewhere. Some of us lost loved ones. All of these abrupt disruptions in our lives, which no one planned or saw coming, has left us shocked, confused, afraid, and anxious. The future also feels like a threat because we don’t know what’s coming next – if it will be for the worse or for the better. There’s just too much uncertainty and instability.

Depression and Anxiety from a Time Standpoint

Now, I sort of explained what stress and anxiety is from a scientific standpoint. What I want to offer you now, and what the quotes I have shown earlier suggests about how we can describe our emotions from the standpoint of time. While researching about mindfulness, I came across a source that says feelings of depression stems from attaching too much in the past and the feelings of anxiety stems from attaching to much in what has not happened yet in future. As I reflected on this and relate this to my life, I realized that it was quite true. Back in 2015, when I had my first child, I had gone through Postpartum Depression and since then medication and therapy has been part of my journey.

Before being a mom, I was a career-driven woman, always on the look-out for what’s next and for opportunities to grow in my career. I had a lot of time for myself and I had a strong support system behind me. But things changed when my husband and I decided to move to the province so that we can start our family with much less stress. So, when we did, I had to let go off my career and my whole support system for me to literally start anew. And then our first baby came and then I was ushered in to a whole new world of motherhood. With all these changes happening and with the unstable hormones I had because of childbirth, I was pushed into the direction of what-ifs. What-ifs that were rooted from the past – what if we did not move, what if we had a baby at a later time and I focused on my career first, or what if things went a different way? These what-ifs had contributed to my depression.

Then, fast forward to two years later when we had our second baby. Being able to cope with life in the province, I felt that I was ready to face another stage in my life of now having two children. At this time, I have committed myself to breastfeed our newborn. And for moms out there who bottle fed and breast fed, they would notice that breastfed babies grow leaner. Since this was our case, I kept hearing feedback from family that “kawawa naman ang baby kasi hindi mataba”. And that feedback actually got into me and was on constant replay in my head. This repeating voice plus sleep-deprived days and nights made anxiety more distinct for me this time. What if my milk’s not enough? What if my baby does not receive enough nutrition from my milk? What if baby gets sick because of me? This rumination led me more anxiety and more sleepless nights. Looking back, I noticed that my thoughts then were pointed to the direction of things that has not happened yet. These what-ifs had contributed to my anxiety.

What-ifs

You might have noticed that the questions and the thoughts in my head all started with the same words – what if – and the time reference that went with those questions were either directed to the past or to the unknown future. But, we don’t really have control over the past nor the future, right? What we do have control over is the present, the what is. And this is what we have to acknowledge more – the present.

What is your present situation? What are the emotions you are feeling? Who is the person you are now?

If we become aware and accept what is in front of us in the current moment, we can have more control over what we are about to do or think next. We can’t bring back whatever happened in the past and we definitely cannot surely predict the future. But, by knowing our present reality, being aware of the ground we are currently stepping on, then we would know which next small step to take.

In this article, I offered two truths – one, that our brain’s primary function is for us to survive and the feelings of anxiety and stress towards threats like uncertainty is a normal reaction; and two, that the only thing that we can really have control over is our present reality. When we become aware and acknowledge the emotions and the thoughts we have around this pandemic and accept our present reality and let go of our what-ifs, then we can move forward, no matter how small, to the next chapter of our life.