My Postpartum Anxiety and Depression Story: An Update

So I wrote about my first-hand experience on PPAD on my blog and I think it is also quite fitting to also share about the journey of managing it once I was diagnosed.

1. Self-Awareness is key.

When I was diagnosed, my psychiatrist and I talked about how depression and anxiety manifested in my life. You see, there are several symptoms associated with depression and anxiety, but not all symptoms hold true for everyone. Depression and anxiety, most often than not, also are preempted by triggers.

In my case, I always had solid connections with family and friends back when i was still in Manila. So, when I transferred to Iloilo, I felt all my connections were lost. Whenever I see social media posts of family or friends being together and having fun, or even merely a TV portrayal of a happy family, I would end up in tears. These are my triggers. And then I begin to feel attacked, irritated with even the little things, weepy, and exhausted.

At this point, I know that I am beginning to cycle into depression. Knowing what triggers me and how depression manifests in my behavior was helpful for me to at least catch myself before going further down into the hole.

2. Talk to a professional.

One who has a background on dealing with mental health issues at that. At this day and age, it is very easy to self-diagnose or diagnose-for-a-friend because of the free sources of information we have on the web. I, for one, am guilty about this. I just type in any symptom i am feeling or any illness i think I might have and, Viola! I am affirmed by what I read on the net.

Although it is good that we are actively looking for explanations on why we are feeling a certain way or how we can be treated, it is ALWAYS best to verify with a professional. This way, appropriate steps for healing can be taken.

3. Should I or should I not take that pill?

When I was researching about the benefits and downsides of being on medication, I got mixed reviews. So, what better way to know it is by testing what type of medication is best for me.

Before jumping ahead in taking prescriptive drugs, I first wanted to try homeopathic therapy. In this therapy, patients are given just natural substances in order to cure a diagnosed disease. During my consultation, I was prescribed to take small doses of magnesium powder for almost a month. I didn’tquite felt any effect of it however. I still had low mood, numbness, and 0 motivation. Thinking that I needed to be well quickly for my son, I decided to have prescriptive drugs instead.

Under the prescription of my new psychiatrist, I was given two medications. Of course, I was anxious at first thinking what if I would be on medication for the rest of my life, not to mention the factor of how much these pills would cost. But, my psychiatrist explained to me that the dependency would, well, depend on how deep I was in depression and how my body would react to the medication. Also, the aim of these medications is to level any hormonal imbalances instead of having the user hooked to it. If I responded well, then I would slowly be removed from the meds. Fortunately, these two pills made wonders and I got well after 6 months of being on medication.

P.S.People respond to medications differently. So, whatever worked for me won’t necessarily have the same effect with others. So, it’s always best to consult a professional.

4. Talk Therapy.

Sometimes, in order for us to process whatever we are thinking or feeling, we need to talk it out. When sharing whatever we want to share, it also helps us reflect on our selves and our lives. There are also other times when all we just need is someone to listen, nothing else.

Being depressed, however, made it hard for me to reach out to people. I was always hindered by this certain feeling of guilt. “Why would they even bother listening to me? They also have problems, too!”, “She’s just too happy to listen to my rants. I don’t want to spread my negativity!”. These phrases were constantly playing inside my head whenever I wanted to talk to someone, so I would always rather keep all emotions to myself.

And so, when I decided to tell my husband everything that was running through my head, I tell you, it was a courageous step for me. And after talking, I did feel a little bit lighter. Opening up to my psychiatrist required me a lot of strength, but everytime I come out of her room, I felt that I was understood.

It’s no easy feat reaching out when depressed. But if we are ready and when we do reach out, it would feel like a little light has come in our little space.

5. Get some sun.

Cliche as it might sound but Mr. Sun was also be a big help in my healing. At the first part of my condition, i was just constrained inside the four walls inside of our house. Well, this was because I was new in Iloilo and I didn’t know any place else to go and we lived in an apartment where there was really no space where I can get some sunlight.

But the moment I spent a few minutes under the sun, I literally felt my face also brighten up. Everytime my husband takes me out of the house, also felt some level of refreshness. So, taking time out of the house was helpful.

6. Our husbands are our partners.

Aside from the positive effects of the above points, I can say that the biggest influence to my healing is the support and understanding of my husband. The fact that he was present all throughout my journey made me motivated to be well. My psychiatrist made him understand my condition so that he would also be aware whenever I was depressed. This way, he would know that being mean to or angry at him was not really my intention. It was only a manifestation of the illness. He would then also know the times when I needed mental rest from all the taking care of our child and home.

If a husband is not available, I would suggest that you identify, what I call, a healing buddy/s. Your budy should be fully aware of your condition and can help in taking care of your child when you feel that depression is coming in. You should also be comfortable being with your healing buddy should you have the urge to rant or just need soemone to be with.

Since I have opened up publicly about my condition, a lot of families and friends cheered me on. Some even messaged me and shared their personal struggles with depression and anxiety. Two things I learned out of this are: 1) there will still be people around us who would accept us no matter what and 2) your story can also be a light to others.

We love you, Momma!

—–

My psychiatrist is Dra. Daisy C. Daquilanea, MD, FPPA. She holds clinic hours by appointment at MedExcel, QualiMed Hospital (Secretary’s No.: 09091181072)

Homeopathic Psychiatry is offered by Dra. Henrietta Espanola. She holds clinic hours at St. Paul’s Hospital (033-3372741 to 49 loc. 8238)

#mentalhealth #motherhood #postpartumanxiety #PostpartumDepression