The Motherhood Career: How I Started

I have always envisioned myself to become a successful woman – one who is not only known for her work ethics, but also known for what she contributes to her larger community. By holding on to this vision of myself, I strived to do well academically, choose the best course fit for me, and join organizations which would help fulfill my goals. I am quite a planner, and so I carefully planned what my life would be for me for the next ten years after my college graduation – be married and have children with a two- to three-year gap by my mid to late 20s (as I believe that a woman’s egg cells are at their best state at this age) while building my own career as a Human Resource (HR)/Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) practitioner, development worker, and/or entrepreneur.

Of course, the idealist in me made me believe that I can have all these just as long as I set my priorities straight – family then career. I have also observed a lot of career women who are successful in both their family and work lives. But, like all other things, this was easier said than done in life’s tough reality. During the first four years following my graduation, I joined multi-national companies to help me be economically stable while also co-founding a technology-based enterprise to feed my desire of helping communities. Everything fell as planned – I had a stable job, a company, and had my best friend as my husband.

However, when I was around two months pregnant with our first child and five months into our marriage, my husband and I made the decision to return to his province of Iloilo and build our family from there. A large part of the decision was due to my husband’s family business and one part was so we can have more family time together (our normal working day in Manila starts with me sleeping as he prepares for work at 5:00 in the morning and ends with me sleeping as he comes home from work at almost midnight). The decision to return to Iloilo was already discerned and expected before we even got married, but our timeframe then was ten years. So, the move was more of an anticipated but abrupt change.

At this point in time, I had to quit my job, be away from our company, and leave my immediate family behind. I have emotionally prepared myself for this move, especially the thought of parting from my family since becoming independent is not a new feat for me. But the vision of being a successful career woman is still something I was holding on to. And from that vision, I crafted the next steps of my life – be a full-time mother for at least two months and find and build a satisfying career in the field of HR or run my own business. But, barely three months of adjusting to our new life in Iloilo, the most defining moment of my life happened and it was something I cannot turn my back from. I gave birth to a baby boy and I became a mother.

Becoming a mother, like my husband and I’s decision to move to Iloilo, brought about an anticipated but abrupt change in my life. It is true that no book or article would really, wholly prepare a woman for motherhood. Before motherhood, I had already been exposed to taking care of babies and children. I am the eldest of four siblings with two- to three-year gaps and I have done community works involving playing and teaching children. However, the difference of these experiences from motherhood is that motherhood now requires me to be fully responsible for and available to a dependent child day-in and day-out, 24/7, until only God knows when. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother. The fulfillment of being one is unleveled. However, being one can also be taxing at times since now I had to put my baby’s needs first while putting mine on hold (and that includes having a decent bath only when my child is sound asleep at night). As my baby and I grew more and more familiar and at ease with one another, it is then that I come to realize that being a mother is extending your heart and soul to your child. I feel what he feels and I get to anticipate what he needs. Becoming a mother is about opening my whole self and becoming vulnerable to a tiny human being.

A few months have passed and my love for my little boy and husband grew deeper and deeper. I did my tasks as a wife and mother joyfully and faithfully. Until one day, I came across my friend’s Facebook post. We were batch-mates back in college and were in the same social circles. She has a very busy life as she is committed to her work as a social entrepreneur and innovator. In this certain Facebook post, she shared about the joys she had in the work environment that she was in, allowing her to grow and accomplish a lot of things. Reading her post, I was suddenly reminded of my vision that I wanted to be a successful career woman and the goal I had to work after two months post-partum. That one post started to trigger insecurities I did not know I had. That and a comment of a very close friend of mine which implied that I need to have a make-over as I was beginning to look like a “losyang”.

From that point, I felt that I fell short of reaching my dreams since the picture of a successful career woman I had in my mind was that who balances work and family life. I vocalized this frustration to my husband and he was very supportive of me being a working mom. However, as I was browsing through job openings one day, I felt guilty that I had to leave our son at home with my husband and a yaya. I felt separation anxiety on the mere thought that I won’t be around him more often than I used to. And so, I put my job hunting on hold and struggled with the dilemma if I should continue reaching my dreams or stay at home and rear my child first-hand. After a long process of reflecting, discerning, and talking to close friends and my husband, I decided to have a compromise and pursue graduate studies instead. This way, I can dedicate some of my time in building a potential career in Guidance and Counseling in the future and still be with my family during the majority of my week (as opposed to an eight-to-five work day).

During the first semester of my being a graduate student, I came to realize that I was not only frustrated because I put my career on hold for motherhood, but also because I was subconsciously yearning for the times I was wearing many hats back when I was single. During those days, I was an analyst, an entrepreneur, and a volunteer and the thought of having to accomplish different tasks in my various roles excited me. However, when my husband and I came home to Iloilo and I became a mother, the number of main roles that I played were reduced to two – a wife and a mother – wherein both did not require much use of critical analysis and liaising among different people. When I became a housewife, my days were much more predictable and routinary which, in turn, made me feel that I was not growing as a person. So, being a graduate student at least made me feel that there was something to look forward to outside our home that would also encourage professional growth which could also help me build my self-esteem. Of course, being a full-time graduate student is no easy feat. But, I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive and loving husband who helps me take care of our son when I had to go to school for class or study breaks.

But, honestly, even already taking up graduate studies, the vision of being a successful career woman was still on my mind. And so, I still felt quite impatient for reaching that goal for myself. Not until I had a session with one of my mentors which, hopefully, turned my aspirations in a different perspective. While I was sharing my dreams and frustrations with her, she made one statement which made me stop and think for quite a while. She said, “Well, motherhood is also a noble career.”

I was dumbfounded. Why have I not thought about motherhood in that light? Until that moment, I only viewed motherhood as a required role which a married woman with a child must fulfill. I really did not think of it as something which you can dedicate your whole life into and grow throughout the whole process. The growth it entails may not be professional, but it can offer actually something more – emotional and spiritual growth. The rewards that women reap from it may not be material such as trophies or verbal recognition, but emotional satisfaction seeing our children cope and succeed in the world. From that phrase, I found peace and assurance that I am still on the right track in reaching my goal as a successful career woman. Although, this time, my definition of a successful career has changed – from a vision of a prestigious professional garnering recognition from her colleagues and staff to a mother who has successfully raised loving, responsible and independent children who have the potential to create a positive impact in this world.

For it is true, material and worldly desires and possessions may come and go. But, the fulfillment that we gain for rearing and caring for our children is incomparable. The experiences and the lessons that they would come to learn from us can transcend in the next generations to come.

#insights #mommylife #motherhood