What has fear cost you?

During the lockdown, I had the opportunity to take up an online class about speaking. While the class was designed to help its students feel comfortable and empowered to speak in public, it was also designed to tackle the inner work which the students have to do in order to communicate and connect with the audience well. And this was one of the big questions thrown at us in one of the modules:

What has fear cost you?

Thinking about my response, I was brought back to the moments when I felt stuck at certain points in my life, one of which was when I wanted to do a blog post like this, but ended up with just a title. I can attribute this stuck-ness to factors such as my lack of motivation, being swamped with other things to do, or even the feeling of overwhelm in starting something new. But, as I pondered deeper on the question, I realized that the base of all these factors was that they all had something to do with a certain degree of fear.

You see, when I commit myself to something, whether as small as a task to improve myself or investing myself to an advocacy or agreeing to lead a big project, I see to it that I would give my 100%. Integrity and accountability are at the top of the attributes I value. When I commit myself to something, I put out my A-game and make sure that I live out to the expectations I set for myself. If you look closely and read between the lines in what I have just written, in one way or another, I also put on myself the responsibility of satisfying people and make everything perfect as possible. And the fear there is my big fear of failure – failing people, especially those who look up to me or lean on me, and failing myself – what if, by some happenstance, I won’t be able to deliver what I should deliver. So, instead of starting, following through, or finishing whatever it is that I have to do, I just freeze and flake out.

Going back to my example of finishing a task as simple as a blog post like this, the consistent thought of fear that pops out subconsciously is thinking ‘what if the readers disagree and say bad things about me?’ or ‘what if I don’t make sense to people and they would judge me’. These constant thoughts of fear of rejection and failure make me freeze and flake out. So, I’ll just store this potential article in my Documents folder and put it away for another day, week, month, or forever.

And, while working on this struggle, one coach shared with me one powerful question that shook me:

What would you be without this thought?

I paused. And I found myself speechless and deep in thought. What would I be without this thought, this fear? Man, imagine the possibilities that would come out if I am without this thought.

Without this fear, perhaps I could have started my website earlier as I planned. Without this fear, I could have written a dozen articles which could potentially help people in their quest of self-improvement and growth. Without this fear, I could have even challenged myself to speak about things that matter to me that could have also mattered people to people. Imagine.

My fear has cost me my growth and it has cost me opportunities to potentially help people. And while I am embarrassed to admit that I do have fears and that I froze and I flaked, I also want to make this a learning opportunity for me to become better and to imagine the possibilities life can offer me.

What has fear cost you? And what would you be without this?

Imagine.